The Nuisance to Taste Ratio

While many foods are rather delicious, the process of eating some requires elements of sacrifice and endurance. Ponder the effort it takes to eat a single french fry compared to the process of consuming a grape fruit or an orange. It is up to each individual to decide whether or not the nuisance involved with eating a certain food can be overshadowed by the taste of it.

The Nuisance to Taste Ratio formula is simple: Divide your taste rating of a given food on a scale of 1 to 7* by the average amount of seconds required to eat the food. If your NTR score is above 1.0, the food should be strongly considered for consumption. If it is below, the food should be reevaluated as a reasonable option.

PRACTICE PROBLEM:

If your biological mother buys you dill pickle flavored sunflower seeds at a gas station, on the way to your stepmother's house, should you eat this common road trip snack food? Let's assume that you are a reasonable individual and you give the seeds a taste rating of 3.1. You estimate your skill at cracking open sunflower seeds with your tongue based on your jr. high girlfriend's comments about your disgusting kissing style, and you figure each seed would take you around 8 seconds to eat.

3.1/8 = .39 NTR SCORE.

Therefore, since your NTR score is below 1.0, you probably shouldn't waste your time on the sunflower seeds. Besides, you're almost to your stepmother's house and she probably ordered pizza from that shitty local place again instead of Pizza Hut.

(Controversial NTR foods include smores, sushi, and candy necklaces.)



*A scale ranging from 1 to 7, rather than 1 to 10, provides for more thoughtful analysis by making it more difficult to estimate the exact percentage associated with a respective rating. Everyone knows that 2/10 is 20%, but probably thinks, "Uuuh, fuck." when trying to figure out the percentage of 2/7.

Post-Bathroom Handwashing as a Checkpoint

Washing your hands after each trip to the restroom is probably a good idea, but not necessarily for the prevailing reasons. Consider this: Unless you are Usher or that Shamwow guy, the amount of dirty surfaces your penis touches pales in comparison to the number of dirty surfaces your hands touch. If anything, one's hands are dirtying one's penis. Try thinking of each bathroom visit (urinations only) as a checkpoint for daily handwashing rather than a necessity following each penis touch.

As a general rule, the first post-shower urination does not require a handwashing. After all, for the average non-neanderthal male, his penis has been safely tucked away in a clean pair of underpants, automatically making it cleaner than his hands. For even more handwashing-free urinations, try washing your penis with a warm, soapy washcloth after your first post-shower urination.

Further, if you or any of your male counterparts frequently wear pants with an elastic waist, going hands-free for the pee and skipping the hand wash all day is a great way to save the planet too! And that is precisely why it matters.

Does it really, though?

Greetings!

You have just entered into a deep and majestic valley of the world-wide interwebs. What will follow this congratulatory note will be a plethora of meaningful, thought-provoking, and idealistic posts regarding the world around us. Please enjoy, and remember, there is literally no discussion not worth having, no connundrum too minor to dismiss, no quarry too minute to solve. Let us begin!